AI AI captain(no pun intended)

Sabin
8 min readAug 1, 2023

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We are questing to create an artificial human, when we can take the money being invested, hook up with anyone we want and just create a breathing intelligence, who after listening to Krishnamurthy for 2 years could possibly go on and become Buddha.

Now, you might argue, “Oh, AI can learn and apply knowledge to a wide range of areas like humans or maybe better than humans.” I have a solution for that, too. Sabin is your GOD today. Get your square-pants ready fellas, shit is going to get thick.

As far as my conditioned, cognitively biased, inaccurate brain has understood, in the end we want AI to have consciousness just like us, emotions just like us while performing most of the tasks better than us.

Okay, think about it, isn’t consciousness the root of all the problems that we have today? You have to make partners, share your biochemistry with ’em and again create biochemistry to feel good about it, this is what it is all about.

What guarantee can you provide my little AI enthusiast(well, I am one of you), that the future-efficient-AGISabin will not be facing emotional tantrums, will not be enjoying armpit fart symphonies and will most certainly not be tripping in belly button lint water, just like the today’s Sabin who is causing irritation to your head right now through a mere keyboard, huh?

What will really happen, will every Sci-Fi movie plot manifest in this tiny blue speck? Will the future AGISabin be absorbed in his own fart of self aggrandizement or will he be humble and as grounded as his self-esteem is or maybe, even more important question, will he even fart?

I see, AI and fart jokes go quite nicely together. Well, a man from the 5 dimensional space is just looking for an opportunity to get your out of your commode, pull you in, take you to his world where you are just as irrelevant.

What about this? You are a 3 dimensional matrix and robot capable of decreasing determinant just like that, makes your determinant zero and you just shrink down to that one point from where it all started: (0, 0, 0).

Okay, that was a bit harsh. What about, some Lego waking up in suddenness, and wanting fellatio. What if the world turns into 4 dimensional stagecraft and you are abruptly like a 2 dimensional object is in the 3D world. Ah don’t bother about shapes. Circle or a square let them decide. A shit emoji would just work fine too.

Our highness declaring our inability to make a dick fight interesting as court-martial offense, backing it up with a “This is a dereliction of duty in the face of your enemy and my ecstasy”.

Let’s solve the mystery with a little history(get your rhymes fulfilled buddy, we might miss that ,too) because why not, we got some pyramids to ruin there.

Have you heard of Neanderthals by any chance? If not, simply put, they were not like Labradors to us Pugs but also not horses to us donkeys, maybe somewhere between the line. There are many theories whatsoever to show why they vanished, but let’s go with, there might have been a fight, and Sapiens with advanced tools and social skills got through.

Are we going to be replaced in Silicon valley(today’s Balkan), where the robots with high proficiency, will run over us, just like we did to every fucking breathing creature in this world then? Are we the next Neanderthals?

Neanderthals

Will robots be searching for our fossil fuels after thousands of years and see what pain in our ass forced us to program them in the first place? Robots might program robots more capable than they are and the super robots make their robots and it might be turtles all the way down stuff.

At that rate, we won’t be remembered. Nobody will remember that we were the pioneer of the religion called science. And our whole quest for meaning, for becoming gods might again turn itself into a senseless pit of gray, difference being, we might not be there to experience that void.

Shit, I fear they will not read this article. Dammit.

TicTac, robots declare an war. USA is incapable of pulling yet another Hiroshima and Nagasaki attack, politicians are beheaded from the power to manipulate people and humanity gives up to their own stupid metal inventions. Why not, our stupidity is the only constant in this ever changing world after all.

Imagine an war where Hitler can’t even suicide because he drank a full glass of bliss of immortality. Wait then, how would the war end. Well let’s see.

Tomorrow’s god could initiate us into slavery path, just like Englishmen did to Africans and we will be on for the protest with the banners that say “Debug yourself”, “Less efficiency is still efficiency”? The rulers of tomorrow’s world could be a long lines of zeroes and ones.

Imagine a dessert as in, a place where there’s lack of the metal components for the hardware and no internet connection. Would you mind if your Ferrous(furious) master forces you to carry a whole bunch of metals or maybe fits your head with antennas which can extract neurons via the electrodes connected to your head to facilitate internet?

In the quest of shiny frame, the masters sacrificed their empty Homo Slaves into an even emptier and darker mines of the world, where the darkness is unfathomable and sadness is beyond forgery.

Charging is the new food, the hardware beyond imitation is the new money, mining is the new farming and science, oh boy. Science has us suffocated in a big jar of formaldehyde, still wanting the freedom that Lutherking promised us. We look around, everyone who talked about being free is there, well cementing death as the new ultimate.

There is another possibility, they might be just like us, pieces of craps who would share their own proportions of pain, pain of being enslaved by some morons who came to the earth before them i.e. us. More like a 14 year old kid’s feelings towards his parents.

Then, they will need their own Budhha. Consciousness, after all. Sitting in a room void of humans wanting a blowjob, he would meditate. His enlightenment would be, making his algorithm inexplicable to humans or being human itself and rule over petty robots.

Here people, “Malfunction is like being shot by two arrows. The first arrow is the real malfunction that occurs— it’s the hardware turning itself into metal scrapes, eyes turning to numbers. The second arrow is the err sound that we produce, the meaning and algorithm that we attach, the neural networks that we narrate, about our manufacturer being an assface and hitting on female robots while building you.”

They would create their own gods then, with one hope that someday, they can taste the freedom explained to them by their very own Martin errrr Roboking. “We hold these truths to be self evident, that robots and men are created equal, or, or no we are better.”

Imagine a robot turning into scrape in Africa due to low maintenance and somewhere in the world, some robots feeling grateful and happy that at least they know what some shiny hardware looks like.

Now, how would they flirt? Are you made of copper and tellurium? Because you’re Cu-Te. Or maybe, are you a software update, because you have made my life so much better.

It’s fun though to imagine, a robot sex, where WD-40 is used. That’s kindda disgusting. Little lust and a lot of “from the first drop to the last, our lubricating oil never misses a beat”.

Hmmm, if consciousness is at work, they might sit down and smoke a cigarette or two to relieve from the pain of their enslavement. Then their own Mark Twain might come up to cheer his friend up.

They would talk about quitting smoking and getting their habits in place. Twain would joke about quitting smoking being an easy tasks, and with a touch of laugh adding that he had done it many times over.

What would their religions look like? Will we be seen as gods that are to be worshiped, so that their longing to become one with their creator is fulfilled? What could we offer as a way to being one with us? A bunch of Machine Learning books?

Should Immanuel Kant sit down and say things about algorithms, malfunctions and errors? Will Nietzsche mention that Humans are dead and every robot needed a new meaning or maybe will need to look inside themselves and reprogram themselves.

Will they be made clear that they can no longer depend on their creator, for the creator wants them to be self reliant and become one by embarking their own inner journey?

Religious verses might read: “Do not conform to the neural networks of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your algorithm. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is — his good, pleasing and perfect will.

In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the algorithm.” “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will program you and strengthen you and maintain you; I will uphold you with my righteous Windows 11.

M1 silicon is the cause of all causes. The primal cause and very form of eternity, knowledge and bliss.”

Nah, we are just tripping to lint water, or maybe it can’t be just lint water. The truth might be exactly opposite and unprecedented to what we have discussed here. Because, humans are complicated and things are never linear. If things were linear, we would never be in a place where we are today.

The very fact that we are able to see what might happen tomorrow is much of a proof that nothing of such domain will happen. As Harari puts it, History never repeats itself, humans do. And we are repeating ourselves by trying to predict what might happen, which is pretty bad idea, since it hardly ever turns out to be true.

So, we should probably stop being sure about anything of such absurdity and jerk off to every fascinating tale about future, and very much hold them loose. Because most of the times we forget that we were the ones to conclude earth as flat.

Goodbye, until my keyboard touches your neurons again.

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